Age of Love: Episode 4

Kelli is gone, and if she’s not careful, Amanda—despite her early chemistry with Mark and the romance that seemed to blossom in Episode 3 of “Age of Love”—may be right behind.

A 40-year-old legal secretary from Los Angeles, Kelli might as well have had “man-eater” tattooed on her ankle. She was manipulative in getting time alone with bachelor Mark Philippoussis, and seem determined more to win a game than actually to make a connection. The interspersed interviews with Mark didn’t reveal much of his thinking, but if typical guy reactions were a factor, my guess is she was too controlling of the interaction, pushing him rather than subtly leading him. Pushing is transparent, desperate. Pushing emasculates. Pushing leads to evasion.

Amanda, a 25-year-old assistant to a financial planner, isn’t pushing so much as she gushing. In Episode 3, after Amanda was edged out of alone-time by the conniving Kelli, Mark escorted her to a limo, and they kissed. Attraction was obvious and mutual, and seemed to grow nicely later. But Amanda seems to have fallen hard and fast, so much that Tessa—in a goofy (and ultimately fatal) move—brought up Amanda’s affection during her one-on-one with Mark. The 30-something tennis player was appalled by Tessa’s bringing up one of the other girls during their date, and let her go at the end of the show. But the move may also prove terminal to Amanda.

The harm of enthusiasm

Attraction ultimately is based on trying to find the best possible match we can for our genes. And as we negotiate the unions that make the spread of our genes possible, we not only try to go as high as we can in partner quality, but also to avoid going lower. When someone we might initially be attracted to as a match comes on too strong (Kelli) or conspicuously becomes ready to close the deal more quickly than we, our instinct interprets the signs this way: While I might be attracted to this person, she perceives me more as a more valuable match than I see her, which means that perhaps they know something about herself which if I knew it, too, would lessen my attraction; therefore, they are not a match. Buh-bye.

That’s why playing hard-to-get or feigning lack of interest can be such a successful dating strategy. We image ourselves as being a better match relative to the person being conned than we would otherwise seem.

Amanda, if I could back in time, I’d advise you to pull back from him during your next encounter.